Happy Birthday to Me!

Tomorrow is my 51st birthday. Sadly, school starts back tomorrow after Christmas break, but that is just how life goes...

This year (2018) has been difficult in many ways:

Callan moved to Calgary in April to work at his dream job at the Bike and Brew and  at the indoor bike park. He lived with girlfriend and friend in a great little house downtown. He was working super hard to be sure he could afford to stay in Calgary. Then things started to come apart. He was working too much. The relationship ended. Living arrangements became complicated and many stresses contributed to mental health challenges. After trying so hard to make everything work, Cal came home in October to get well. He returned to his former bike shop job and is getting some counselling help to work through current and past traumatic events. (Callan had a close friend take her own life in grade 11, which is heartbreaking.) I am so glad to have Cal home and although he does not want to be here, living with us, and back at his old job (which is not the same), I am hoping that he can save money (not happening so far), get his body and his mind strong and return to Calgary where he wants to be before too long. I love my boy more than he knows, and I pray that he will find himself again and be happy.

The marriage of a brother and sister in law broke up in a bad way and through the events, we ended up having our awesome nephew living with us for a while at the start of the year. It is a long, complicated story and the details are rough... it has been super stressful and emotional in many ways. Nephew has been able to attend my school so M and I can look after him before and after school hours. Over the course of the year things have improved in some ways. Nephew is living with dad. Mom, who has been the cause of most of the stress for me is getting help (I think). Unfortunately, there is fallout from the addictive and mental health issues of said sister in law, requiring me to attend court later this month. It is so frustrating for me that I have worked so hard my whole life to do what is right, follow the rules, and keep out of trouble, and then the actions of someone else require contact with the police, court orders to protect myself and my family, and court attendance. We have been blessed throughout the chaos of the many 'crazy' events by good friends who protected us, friends who supported sister in law when it was no longer okay for me to, and for police and court officials who recognize that we only became closely involved in this difficult situation for the benefit and safety of our sweet, special needs nephew.

My mental health has been challenged throughout this year as well. Many of the events mentioned above have strained my self talk and feelings of worth. I know I am loved by my family and friends. By my extended family, colleagues and church members. I know that I am loved by my Heavenly Father and my Saviour, Jesus Christ. I know these things are true. It is alarming how hostile and violent language and horrible words can stick in your brain, and repeat themselves over and over and over until it weakens what is known deep down inside. This year I need to focus on my mental, physical and emotional health.