Enough is enough?

 June 2022! How is that possible?

The COVID pandemic is 'over' they say. All restrictions have been lifted. Now the world is hearing about monkey pox. There is a tragic war in Ukraine. Gas prices are through the roof. People are stressed, impatient,  unregulated, and tired. I am no exception. 

New admin at the school has been challenging. No communication. No support even as the year started with restrictions in place and then have been gradually lifted... Now, new crappy curriculum put in place for the fall... admin asking for the impossible- well, not impossible, but un-managable and un-acceptable and NOT good for students or teachers- teach a 2/3 split for next year. Not asked, told. No options. For the first time in 30 years of being a teacher I am desperately trying to get out of the job, by applying for other jobs. Of course I am qualified, but not 'qualified' for many jobs, because I have only focused on my 'current' job. Teachers like me with many years of experience are having to apply and 'compete' for jobs against brand new teachers with little to no experience. ie. I applied for an ISÇ job at my current school. I did not get the job. A young new teacher with most of a year of experience in ISC got the job. But I would have been considered, of course... Again, so frustrating. Now what? 

Contact admin that I know and sell myself... it is an awful feeling, to not feel qualified, supported or wanted. 

Reasons I don't want to do a 2/3 split... 

1. Coming up grade twos are insane. Huge behaviours. Low academics. Poor social skills. COVID learners. My sweet friend Gaye took stress leave and 2 EAs quit at the start of the year because of the craziness and unsafe condition of the class. Brand new teacher brought in- all supports given to her. My EA taken to support a runner. My low kids lost their support.

2. New crappy curriculum. Not only having to learn one crap curriculum, but 2.

3. We are a STEM school now. What does that mean? It means that elementary teachers will be continuing to do what we always do with hands on activities, but the division will hype it like it is something new-- a program of choice. Ugh.

4. Not enough support. Never enough support!

5. It is exhausting to think about having to do all of this without feeling supported or appreciated or wanted even at a school I have given 7 years of loyalty to. Do I want to teach when feeling all of these things and managing everything myself, because there is NEVER enough support! 

6. My grades level partner is challenging. She will be a roller coaster to work with. She has been a stress in my hallway for me as I hear her yell at my former students. To quote her from this week, "I just don't care enough." I care enough. I care too much.

7. there are 6 assessments mandated by the division and province for next year. When will I teach?

Please note:  I CAN teach this class. I CAN give it my all. I WILL DO MY BEST to meet their needs. I WILL love them. I WILL support them. I WILL build relationships with parents and students.  I WILL spend my own money to fill in what the school does not provide. I WILL jump through the hoops of paper work and meetings and documenting an assessing. (So MANY assessments! Ugh!) I KNOW I CAN do all these things. I WILL do my best. My best WILL NOT be enough. My students will feel loved. They will be loved. They will hear me yell. They will see me cry. They will need more than I can give. They will learn and grow, and be happy as they learn and grow. They will not know any better... They will not know what they are missing. It will not be what they deserve! They deserve better.

I DESERVE BETTER.