I have laughed a few times about the state of my house since I have started working more regularly. I think in my head that it should be cleaner and more organized than it is. why? I'm not sure.I guess it would make sense that since I know when I will be working that I could schedule time to clean and put things in order. It does not seem to be that way for me. The house is not cleaner or more organized.

My days off are filled with time-consuming errands, running around doing whatever needs to be done, trying to do school work, church work and 'home' work. All of it takes time. All of it takes energy. There are only so many hours, and only so much energy. The result? None of it is getting done well.

I think the house will survive, the errands can wait, people at church and work don't really know what does not get done or what isn't done to my best. Those things can pass whether they are my best works or not.

What am I missing in my kids lives? What am I not there for that I should be? What stories am I not hearing because I am not home after school? One of the greatest things about being a stay at home Mom has been that I was the one to hear about their day first. I heard their complaints and joys and concerns. I love that. I miss that when I am not there.

I need to try harder to be more present when I am with them so that I will hear, feel, and know what they are dealing with as they experience their lives. If I do not, I will miss so much. Before I know it they will be on their own. I am NOT ready for that.

be more present. a good goal.

This weekend is the beginning of a new phase in our family life. A new phase where the kids do not all travel together, some are old enough to choose other things (and have other things to choose).For the last few years I have taken the kids by myself to the lake for an extended long weekend. We go to help plant the garden. We get our trailer opened and cleaned so it is ready for our summer at the lake. There are so many things to experience together there- friends, family, weather (keep your fingers crossed!) and of course, food!

Last year M joined us mid way through the weekend (after Toronto). This year, for the first time, M has a conflict. Two choices, both good. She has chosen to work at her beloved football 'job' on Friday. She will be staying here. She will stay home with her Dad. He will be missed (but he doesn't usually come with us). She will be missed.

I am still going with H and C. We will have a fun time.We will plant the garden. We will visit and play. We will still do what we do, but it will be different. Something will be missing, something super special.

The reunions will be sweet on Tuesday.